Feelings
by yonet-chan
Summary: Song-fic of "Toeto" in Kairi POV. Kairi has trouble telling Sora her true feelings about him.


**Ayan~ Thanks for reading! This is a song-fic of _Toeto,_ which you can find on youtube. Underlined means in Japanese. Italics are the song lyrics. This is Kairi POV, but I'm not sure I got her down right. The word "eto" means "um" in Japanese, "Toeto" isn't a word. "Etoeto" means "ummm" and "E Toeto" means "From Toeto." "Toeto" also isn't a name. It's a Japanese pun. "Toeto" is supposed to be the shy little girl inside of you who can't admit her feelings.**

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><p><em>Everything about you now, I love but that's a lie, but what happens actually, nnnnnnnn~<em>

I hate the part of him that goes out on adventure, leaving me behind. I know he has no choice, has to save the worlds (again?), but why aren't I with him? It's not like I'm useless.

_Everything about you now, I hate but that's a lie, because I actually, nnnnnnnn~_

I love the part of him that always protects me, especially when I need it. I love the part that never fails to make me laugh when I'm sad.

_I can't speak honestly, it's too challenging for me, so I keep on lying, with a catty hat._

Sometimes I tell myself that he is safe at home, not in danger. It's too hard to admit that he might die out there, but at least not alone. Never alone.

_I don't know when she came, but I feel her inside of me, eto I said, e-Toeto._

I konw there are different hearts inside of him. There's Roxas, for one, and sometimes I can sense a shadow of a heart, a glimmer of a person, just hanging in there, someone who's never cared to tell me their name. Does he know too, I wonder, about the Namine inside of me?

_What's important to her, she can't communicate it, that's her name, Toeto._

It's strange to think of myself as shy, but I know that at times, I am. About telling him my feelings, for instance. Blushing, I will change the topic.

_She is a timid girl, too shy to speak to you, so that's her, Toeto._

_She has hidden herself now._

It's easy to hide out in the cave, or pretend I'm still sleeping. Sometimes it's easier to procrastinate, run away from difficulty, and mostly hide from the truth. The year I had without remembering, that was a very happy year, because there was no worry, but I felt half missing, half empty, so in that way, it was also the saddest year I've had.

_I really want to tell you, my feelings from the heart, hesitantly Toeto said no to that proposal._

I find it hard to tell him the things he must know. Especially when it would make him so happy. Am I scared of rejection?

"No, Sora, I'm fine." Actually, I'm crying inside, but don't make yourself sad. Show me a smile.

_I can say it, I'll say it, I am saying, but not said._

I was once on the verge of telling him. I knew he'd take it well, but right when the words were about to come out-

"Never mind." My head turned away.

_Etoeto_,_ I said eto, I meant E-Toeto._

What I say is only what I mean about half the time. I wish someone would understand that.

_Red-faced Toeto._

_Eto eto cetera._

Blushing, rambling, zoning out... I don't think I'll ever summon enough courage to tell him outright.

_She is regretful, and she begins to cry, it's all because of me, she said, Toeto._

It is my fault the he gets injured? Is it my fault that he has to kill? I don't know, but I do know that I don't want to think about it.

_There is no such thing you know, please stop crying Toeto, I love that part of you, from heart to toe._

Yes, it's best not to think about it. After all, wouldn't he find a different reason to fight if I wasn't here? He was the type of person to save everyone, even strangers (Namine had proven that). Nothing I could do would change that. So it isn't all my fault.

_I really want to tell you my feelings from the heart, hesitantly Toeto said no to that proposal._

_I can say it, I'll say it, I am saying, but not said._

_Etoeto, I said eto, I meant E-Toeto._

Why is it so hard for me? To only say three words? Like a death sentence, hanging over my head, I can only stall for time, procrastinate. Is telling him the right choice, anyway?

_At the time I really really want to tell you how I feel, hesitantly Toeto will also bravely reach you._

_I can say it, I'll say it, I am saying, but not said._

_Etoeto, I said eto, hang in there Toeto._

Shaking my head, I turn away. Of course I'll tell him! ...Eventually...

_She is there inside of me._

Taking a deep breath, I tap him on the shoulder.

"Um, Sora?" Come on, I can say it!

"Yeah?" That's right, keep going!

"...I...like..." Say it! Say it! "...chocolate cake." I finish lamely.

"Really? Me too! Huh? Why are you so red?" Is there a limit to how oblivious you can be?

_Hang in there, Toeto._

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><p><strong>Ayan~ Thanks for reading. Please review!<strong>


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